Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
