i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
