what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
