And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
