so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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