Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
