I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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