Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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