so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
