You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
