Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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