i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
