I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize