Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
