you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
