The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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