I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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