we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
