are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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