but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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