I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
