ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
