She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
