I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
