hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
