I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
