So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
