I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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