The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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