the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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