Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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