with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have aggressive nipples.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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