He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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