i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
