I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
