There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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