I just cut my nipple shaving
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
