i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
