woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
