I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
