I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
