just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
