Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
