SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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