Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's blow job season.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize