oh god the rape fog is back!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
