At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
