the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
