$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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