note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
