yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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