I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All the doctor said was why
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
