bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My ass is underappreciated
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
