Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
