..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
