my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
