One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
These tits shall not be calmed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
