Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
