whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
