So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
