My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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