He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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