Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
