I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
