HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
