Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
