It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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