So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
