Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
