if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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