how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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